My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
