What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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