I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
