I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
