I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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