I puked a lego.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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