my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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