I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
