I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I want her autograph on my taint
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
