my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she peed on how many people?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
