Don't you send me to vm
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
