It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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