the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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