This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
the raccoons are back...
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