just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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