The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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