It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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