My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
