Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
