I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
