she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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