One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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