Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
