i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
