I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
