Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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