If that was your dad, he is hot
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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