Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Michael Bay diarrhea
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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