I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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