i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
