no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I had to cum in my sink.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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