I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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