Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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