i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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