Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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