It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
