You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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