Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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