I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
