apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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