Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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