yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
