their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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