I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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