Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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