this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
