watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
