When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
