Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
