The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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