I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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