Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
