I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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