I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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