I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Pants are for mortals
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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