Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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