So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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