My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
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I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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