Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
