weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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