IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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