just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
