Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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