The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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